Diable From the Eyes of a Monster
by foppery
Summary: When Aizen dissolved tha flames, I wasn' surprised ta see ya there, 'Zuru." Gin's last thoughts on the battlefield. Gin/Izu


Anime: Bleach

Pairing: Ichimaru Gin / Kira Izuru

Rating: R

Warnings: ...bad grammar. [It's Gin's PoV. DX Our dear grammatically-challenged kitsune.] A couple of swear words. Male/Male. Mentions of vioence/blood. Character death. [It's inevitable. You know it.]

Summary: _When Aizen dissolved tha flames, I wasn' surprised ta see ya there, 'Zuru._ Gin's last thoughts on the battlefield.

A/N: I had just finished reading chapter 383, when I wrote this. In that chapter, it hints that Aizen used the Hougyoku on Tousen and Gin. So, I suddenly wanted to drabble in Gin's mind on the concept of being a Vizard, and what Kira would think of him. However, it didn't turn out the way I had planned. ^^; Well, please enjoy, anyway. [If you can read my horrible Gin-speak... I don't have his accent down, I know, but I tried!

PS: I _have_ to write these two more! oAo' They're my OTP for goodness sake!

When Aizen-sama dissolved tha flames, I wasn't surprised ta see ya' there, 'Zuru. Wasn' surprised a' all. Ma 'Zuru, there, shakin' like a leaf. Nah... Not _my_ 'Zuru no more. Just 'Zuru. Ma hands don' touch ya no more, I can't even see ya, from this pedestal o' Aizen's. I'm.. too far away, up here in this light. Or, is i' dark? I 'unno if I can even tell anymore.

As I stand here, smile slippin', ya' hands 're tremblin', 'Zuru. Just like they do when ya' take a life, or when I fuck ya'. I bet ya' didn't know that, did ya? Ya know, you're cute even now, at the end of all things. Ya look the same way ya did when I first met ya: cryin' for ya life; but this time, you're actually _tryin' _to be strong, ain't ya?

I draw ma' wakizashi, and you stay there, lookin' at me with fear in ya eyes. Don' worry, I understand, 'Zuru. I'd be scared o' me too. After all, I've evolved far more than ya' could eva' imagine, ya' know. It wasn' my idea, leavin' ya so far behind. But, I had to. Aizen was'n gonna let me keep ya much longer, my pretty lil' pet. You shoulda known that. But, ya didn't. 'N I'm the reason, ain't I? I jus' don't communicate well, I guess.

Ma eyes catch a glimpse o' white flash by. Aizen must'a decided to put an end ta this nonsense. Not a drop o' blood gets on him, despite his slaughterin' o' his own top soldiers. Blood never gets on him. That's why he's God. An' that's why I'm here right now, lookin' at ya from up here, in this world built for gods.

Tousen's already takin' on tha big guy 'n ya little friend. He been treatin' ya well, 'Zuru? I'll bet he has. He always cared for ya. But, as their swords clash, I realize it's ma turn. Yer still kneelin' there, lookin' at me with somethin' in yer eyes. Is it hope? That's so like ya, 'Zuru... Always wantin' me ta love ya, when ya' know I can't. My smile is gone now. Let me destroy tha' hope o' yers.

Ma hand lifts to ma face. Ya notice the movement an' reach down for ya own katana. Ya gonna try ta' cut me, 'Zuru? A mask materializes in ma palm, shroudin' this face you said you loved. It's cold on ma skin, and I can't help but shiver a bit. Aizen told us once that the masks were like zanpakutou. Simply a part of our souls, that he drew out with tha Hougyoku. I still dunno if I believe 'im or not. This... thing... in ma hand, feels like it could never be a part o' me. It's more like an alien matter tha' /he/ put inta me. It's /his/, and makes me his.

Ya've stood now. I tell myself I don' wanna know what ya're thinkin'... but I do. Are ya ashamed, for ever have sayin' ya loved me, now that I'm here, a masked half-of-a-man who ya've never seen before? Ya look shocked... an' sad. Yer eyes... those pretty blue eyes that used ta watch me constantly, they're cold. Like this mask. Like this battle. Hell, like this whole dan' battlefield.

My chest is startin' ta hurt. I remember how ya used ta look at me. There was always a little fear, but... there were other things too. Warm things. Respect, adoration... what ya called "love". But, ya couldn't 'ave loved me, could ya? I'm a monster, ya know. Not just because of this mask, but ever since _he_ found me. I was warped. Aizen-sama said I had a disease. He said, I'd never be able ta cure it. It would just spread and spread ta ev'ryone I touched, loved... I gave ya ma disease, 'Zuru. By hurtin' ya. By makin' ya so ya couldn't live without me. Ya were perfect. For me. But, now...

Ya've taken the opportunity ta come at me when I'm not payin' attention. Good job, 'Zuru. Ya're fightin' exactly like I taught ya: like a snake, not a man. Live in the shadows, instead a' dyin' in the light. Yer eyes... have no "love" in them now.

Beneath the mask, I feel somethin' hot begin ta burn at my skin. A huge contrast from the frozen feelin' I had. It hurts, and I reach up ta wipe it away, despite tha fact that yer still running towards me. My fingers slip under tha mask, and feel liquid. _Wha?_ I don' understand for a moment, and I wonder if I'm bleedin'. But, that's not it. I recognize this, briefly_. I'm cryin'. _

"Ikorose, Shinsou." Yer blade hits my own, and I'm glad ya can't see me, 'cause I'm sure you wouldn't be able ta tell that the face under this mask is that of yer ol' captain's. Our swords clash time and time again, and I start ta feel mine gettin' heavier. Ya've gone into shikai. I avoid ya next hit and manage ta nick ya. Yer blood hits my wrist as it's done many times before. Ya seem ta pause a minute ta clasp yer wound. Yer so beautiful, 'Zuru. With all your confusion and anger and used-to-be love.

But, I'm caught off gaurd by one o' ya kidou spells and am pushed back a bit. Part o' my mask breaks away, revealin' a bit o' my cheek and frown. They always annoyed me, those kidou skills o' yers.

Dan' it. Ya musta seen the wetness on ma cheek, 'cause ya've entirely stopped yer attacks. Yer eyes look like they did back then, gorgeous and kind. "T-Taichou...?"

I squeeze ma eyes shut and slice through yer exposed arm. I feel tha metal hit bone, and know I've almost completely severed the limb. I wonder if ya'll still be able to defend yerself... Not that it matters. Aizen said this battle was fate. An' it was fate tha' I'd kill ya, my 'Zuru. Because I'm gonna be a god. Like Aizen. Like I've always wanted...

But, I open ma eyes and meet yours, and I remember. The nights we spent in third squad office, pickin fun at ya' when you'd make a mistake, lookin' through the window at tha rising sun after an all-nighter of work I'd make ya do- just for the fun of watching ya do it without the slightest complaint-... Tha sunset on yer pretty gold hair... _My_ fukutaichou, you were. The only thing in ma life that had ever really been _mine_.

Ya shoved yer blade into ma shoulder, but I just stood there. In that action, ya told me tha' ya weren't _mine_ anymore. It hurt. It still hurts. I don' wanna give ya up, 'Zuru. I don' wanna lose you again, 'Zuru.

I feel my life spillin' out of me and my mask shatters.

_"I love ya, 'Zuru..."_

He catches me in his half-severed arms before I drop to the ground. Shinsou has returned ta 'er original state, and I hear my old teacher from the academy's voice in ma head.

_When the zanpakutou transforms into the original katana state, against the will of it's master, it means the master is close to death._

Death... Am I dyin'? Probably. My vision's gettin' blurry.. all I can see now 're faded shapes movin' so quickly I can't figure 'em out. I hear a soft, far-away mumblin' an' know 'Zuru's trying ta heal me. My smiles returns momentarily, a bit bitter. He just struck me down, an' now he's healin' me? Where did all the cold rage in his eyes go? Or, had I taught him too well to hide himself? But, his hands brush ma face an' I forget what I'd been ponderin'.

"T-taichou, p-p-please... Don't go..."

I look up to him. He's sobbin' and holdin' me real tight, like he ain't gonna let go, even when I'm rottin'.

"Haven' I told ya 'bout stutterin', 'Zuru...?"

My voice is so weak. It's hard ta believe that it's mine..

He starts in with hurried, desperate confessions of love, soft words about how he won't let me die... Only the last of his speech really reaches ma ears.

"P-please, Taichou... Don't leave me again! ...Take me with you this time!"

His tears are fallin' onto ma face and hinderin' my already blurry vision. Wait.. those are my own. I attempt to blink them away, but fail. So many regrets are seepin' out o' my mind, my heart. Why did I rip him up the way I did? Why'd I never tell him he was worth dyin' for, and _truly_ smilin' for? Why did I dedicate ma life ta Aizen, knowin' he'd kill me off in an instant? Knowin' he didn' give a rat's ass about me... When here, right in front of me, there was someone who cherished me, an' even understood me to a point... Tha's a lie. It's all hope too false for me. Even if I'd loved him right, it'd still have the same end...

'Zuru, I'm sorry. I can't say it, I know, but I am. Sorry I never held ya like a lover. Sorry I never.. let you see ma true self. But, I think you knew.. In a way, I think you knew more about tha real me than anyone. I love ya, 'Zuru. As much as a monster can love someone...

Ya can't go with me this time either, 'Zuru. Ya know that. But, oh Gods -the _real_ ones, not fake, self-declared ones like Aizen and maself- I _wish_ so dearly I had brought ya along with me. If only to 've been able ta spend another day with ya. But.. I know I'll see ya again, eventually.

Until then, I want ya ta live.. and remember me. And love me. Because I'm too selfish ta tell ya to find a new love and move on. Live in despair, and in the past like ya've always done. Don' change like I did. Stay the way you've always been. Stay as _my 'Zuru..._

end.

A/N #2: =D Translations!

Taichou - Captain

Fukutaichou - Vice-Captain

Wow, I write Gin pretty depressing... ////; Sorry about that...?


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